God blessed me with the tremendous gift of being a mother. He carefully chose me to be the mother of a sensitive and bright little boy and a feisty yet caring little girl. These children have changed me, there’s no doubt about that. They did not, however, change my marriage.
From College to Best Friends
To say that my husband and I were a little wild in college would be a colossal understatement. We. Were. A. Mess. A hot mess. We loved hard. We played hard. We partied hard. We most certainly, did not study hard. We were tumultuous with our ups and downs. The fact that we got married almost a decade after meeting was strictly in God’s hands. We finally became best friends and understood how to love one another. So, once our children came along, we were determined to keep it that way.
Move Over, Husband. We’ve Got a Kid Now.
I get that it’s hard for moms to make the time to sneak away from their children. It’s rough putting your babies in anyone’s hands but your own. It’s especially difficult with your first born. I’ve been there. I didn’t want to give up any of the control over my son’s schedule. My carefree personality had turned into an OCD freak show. My husband and I did a lot of snipping at each other.
We had put so much emphasis into our new little bundle, that we had forgotten to put stock into our marriage. It was imperative that we start focusing on us again.
The newborn phase is a jumbled blur. After we were through that haze, though, we tried to make time for one another again. Today, two kids later, my husband and I found our way back to us, best friends. Ugh, that’s so cheesy I think I may have thrown up in my mouth a little bit. But seriously, when getting a babysitter and going out to dinner aren’t in the budget, we simply move our dates to the couch with some Netflix and wine. These nights usually end up being the best anyway.
When the Kids are Gone
Our children are remarkable. But guess what? They’re not going to be around in 16 years. As depressing as that is to even think about, it’s the truth. What will we be, if we put everything into our children and nothing into our marriage? When the kids are gone, we’ll be living in a house with a stranger, desperately needing to be reacquainted again. Can you say, awkward?
Ladies, try to find hobbies to do together, explore a new city, cheer each other on in your endeavors, or go out with other couples.
Our Kids First Look at Marriage
Kids observe everything. That can be pretty unfortunate when I’m swearing. But in all seriousness, the way you interact with your spouse can lay the groundwork for your children and the spouses they choose. My husband treats me with respect and I hope I return the favor. We argue, of course. And yes, we even do it in front of the kids at times. It’s healthy for kids to witness their parents arguing. I grew up with the Greek version of Frank and Marie Barone from Everyone Loves Raymond. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies all of the time. That’s not real life. It is, however, cool for your kids to see you resolve these fights in a decent manner without saying things you’ll eventually regret.
So, yes, we give our children everything we’ve got. But, we give to each other too. We get babysitters, we make one another feel loved, and we focus on us. Because that is important too.
What do you do to put stock into your marriage?